Taking the Initiative Against Depression

Oswald Cambers, MY (UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 2/17/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Feb. 17)"Arise and eat" (1 Kings 19:5). Chambers today helps us get a grasp on our humanity and that is that "There are things designed to depress us." Depression gets our attention. No, I haven't done anything specifically sinful, but am I allowing the "Spirit of God to direct me to do the most ordinary things imaginable"? I must rememember that God has my back and He knows when I am drifting. He knows when I am too focused on surviving the demands of my service to remember that it is only in Him that I find my strength, wisdom, patience, endurance, etc.....all the things I need to be a good nanny to Morgan and Walker, not to mention a good wife and mother. Beth Moore in her PRAYING GOD'S WORD DAY BY DAY suggests that it is our pride that permits us to even think we can chew what we have bitten off without Him. (That last part is from me. ) When I hear His call and cry for His help, I am all about being open to it; but once I get underway, I take far too much ownership of His work. Then Neil Anderson in DAILY IN CHRIST reminds me of Paul's admonition in Romans 7 that unless God reigns in our lives, moment by moment, sin will. But finally, in my dear mother's copy of MEDITATION MOMENTS by Mildred Stamm I am helped to once again get my mind around the incredible mercy and grace that is always, always available when I can swallow my pride and confess that I have gotten off track.....and depressed. I feel better already!

Are You Exhausted Spiritually?

Oswald Cambers, MY (UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 2/9/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Feb. 9) "The everlasting God...neither faints nor is weary" (Isaiah 40:20).

I do reach the point of exhaustion in my new role as nanny to two of my grandchildren, but the Good News is that God always renews me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.....when I give myself over to Him for that purpose. The key is to remember to do that before I am completely spent or the devil gains an advantage in this eternal tug of war. I like to remember the times that Jesus completely stole away to be alone with His Father. My daily study and meditation have been minimized lately and my level of energy coincides with that. This weekend I rested my body that has been fighting a cold for weeks. My service requires a lot of physical energy. Please pray for me. I know I am doing God's will, but that is good fodder for the enemy and makes me an easy target. My armour needs repair!

Are You Ready To Be Poured Out As an Offering?

Oswald Cambers, MY (UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 2/5 & 6/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Feb. 5 & 6) "If I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all." (Philippians 2:17) "I am already being poured out as a drink offering...." (2 Timothy 4:6).
This is a real tight rope journey for me. I learned from my Boundaries class that "if what I'm doing to help you hurts me, then it's not o.k." Yet it is clear that we are instructed to allow Christ to minister through us, that God equips the called, and He will supply all our needs.

I love my adult daughters so much that I sometimes intervene when things get to be more than I think they can handle, no matter what the cost is to me." These circumstances may have resulted from mistakes they may have made, but I see how hard they are struggling with the consequences. I am only trying to ease their pain, but that is exactly what enablers do; I understand that. Am I really turning to God with great conviction, trusting that He will show me when to step back and allow them to suffer and learn? It wasn't easy when they were little. It is even harder now. I see how hard they are trying to do all the right things. I must trust them as well as God. I know how much He loves them and is helping them. I must not get in God's way. I tell myself this over and over. When I grow weary, I must wonder if I am listening well. As I began, this is a learning process and I do trust my Teacher.

Becoming the Fiflth of the World

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 2/3/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Feb. 3) "We have been made as the filth of the world...."(1 Corinthians 4:13).

Chambers believes that a "True servant of Jesus Christ is one who is willing to experience martydom for the reality of the gospel of God." For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with the urge to rescue. I was only too williing to see the worth in the darker side of those who only needed my help. Only recently have I learned of the harm this can cause. I could have learned it much earlier in life by paying attention to the backlash of the unwanted assistance I have often forced on those I love. Oh, well. God never gave up on me. Once I began to suffer enough from the rejection I recieved, I began to look for the acceptance I could always trust to be there. It was never me that was needed. I am still learning to be less so that Christ can me more.

The wonderful thing about being a care giver to little children, there is less temptation to have unhealthy boundaries. They are a safe place for me to pour out my love. Thank you, Father for little children.

Recall What God Remembers

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/21/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 21) "Thus says the Lord:"I remember...the kindness of your youth..." (Jeremiah 2:2) Yesterday was a thunderous moment in history. We have put our trust in a man who offers us hope. Isn't that what Christ has called us to do? When we serve Him, is it with kindness? When we feel drudgery or resentment creeping in, it is time to reevaluate. I am inspired by our new president. He calls us to unity, all of us. The cup of water is not just offered to those who believe as we do. My image of Jesus is that He especially reached out in kindness to unbelievers. There is only one way to keep up the pace that He sets for us. We must stay close and in touch as we walk with Him. That is why I am writing this (FYI). I need the discipline of getting my armour in place, especially the helmet, which protects the mind of Christ I have invited into my life. I gladly welcome this surrender of my stinking thinking. I am reading The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. The main character, Mackenzie, is struggling with a Great Sadness. He simply can't cope with it alone; none of us can. I haven't completed it, but I know Mack is being transformed. God continually calls us to transformation. Why do we resist? The power of darkness is great and seductive. It seeps in without our realization, but as Allison commented on 1/15, our time in sadness is only limited by our own undoing. That is good news! Come, Lord Jesus, this day.

The Voice of the Nature of God

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/16/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 16) "I heard the voice of the Lord saying: "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" (Isaiah 6:8)

There comes a point when every need we see appears to be a call. If we have had a true call and have answered it, we want to repeat the experience of being in partnership with our Lord. It is a spiritual high and greatly desired by most Christian servants. However, it can't be initiated of our own accord. When I think God wants me to do something in paticular, my first answer to Him is that I am willing. If it is from Him, clarification always comes. It is one of those miraculous qualities of His; He is persistant if we continue to listen. He leaves no doubt, that is unless I say no. At that point, my life becomes despair until I realize I have tried to ignor my Master. It doesn't work. I am childlike in many ways and that it ok. I prefer approval and joy. I have a lot of fun for a 65 year old. A friend recently sent me the following link I hope you will enjoy. Happy Friday!

www.thejoymovie.com

Do You Walk in White?

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/15/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 15) "We were buried with Him....that just as Christ was raised from the dead...even so we also should walk in newness of life." (Romans 6:4)

Chambers asks us if we have been through a "white funeral". Not everyone has experienced such a turning point. My mother, for instance, was (to all who knew her) the most Christ-like person we had ever known. She wasn't perfect, but her spirit truly reflected God's love. She regretted that she had never had a conversion moment, but she surely suffered for those she loved. I, on the other hand went from darkness to light. In a deep depression, I gave up, surrendered, and let go. I was disgusted with my own efforts so I turned it over to the One who claimed He could make a difference. He did and my true life began. I have known all about backsliding, hypocrisy, and denial since that death. It is always a short-lived defeat until the Commander of my soul is able to pull me back in to the peace and victory He gave me that night that turned into day. I live now for His glory and it is a joyful life indeed.

Called by God

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/14/09
http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 14) "I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:'Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?' Then I said, 'Here am I! Send me' " (Isaiah 6:8).

Tonight I am beginning a study at Pine Valley Methodist where I worship. Trish Archer will lead it using a book entitled When to Say Yes. The author must have known people like me who do not have good boundaries established and say yes too often. I eagerly look forward to learning how to listen better to God and not just to my own insecurities. Just because something needs to be done for someone I care about doesn't mean that God wants me to do it. Sometimes His plan is for me to pray, not to just pray, but to earnestly and fervently pray with my whole heart. I think I jump into situations to ease my own impatience, not fully trusting God's timing. I know better, both intellectually and spiritually, but with each new beckoning, I experience an unwillingness to just wait for God to move. I friend observed that I (like many others) try to force solutions. I can usually defend my actions at the moment as being proactive, but with hindsight I experience regret. When I hear the voice of God, He is often asking me to wait on Him.

Is My Sacrifice Living?

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/08/09 http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 8)
" Abraham built an altar...;and he bound Issac his son and laid him on the altar...." (Genesis 22:9)

Because of a congenital defect, my older daughter began having severe kidney infections before she was two years old. When she was old enough at age six, her urethra was reimplanted into her bladder. The pediatric surgeon explained that this also included a new valve which would work involuntarily, preventing the reflux that had plagued her for four years. That to me was a miracle. So, when my younger daughter hemorrhaged at age four, I was an old hand at trusting God with my babies. Everyone around thought I was in shock as she received four volumns of blood enabling exploratory surgery. A polyp had ruptured on her colon. The peace I felt during these times was encouraged by Abraham. Once he stopped wrestling with God, the sacrificial lamb appeared. It's OK to wrestle before God when he requires an ultimate trust, but not with Him. Life can be very scary when it is attempted without trusting Him. I don't ever want to go there again.

Intimate with Jesus

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/07/09
http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 7)
" Jesus said to him, Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?' " (John 14 :9)

For most of my life I associated intimacy with a sexual/sensual worldly connotation. Today when I read My Utmost for His Highest, I was reminded of the period in my life when I finally figured out, like Philip did, Who It was walking there beside me (or often carrying me (Footprints in the Sand). It is very humbling to think of all the relationships I tried in order to fill that place that was created just for Him. My sister Ruth tried for years to teach me that, as my heart was broken over and over, searching for the love of my life. I was convinced that a committed Eros love was the answer. Of course I knew Jesus; I just wanted more than He could give me. (How ludicrous that sounds now!)

Once I realized I could only be whole and content with Christ as Lord of my life, I was able to form healthier relationships. I have been happily married now for twenty years to a wonderful man who supports my faith journey in every way he can. I am more successful at letting go of the control of the lives of those I love instead of trying to manipulate them to love me. Still, I allow myself to expect too much from others. When this happens and I am disappointed or hurt in any relationship, I am quickly reminded of the line from a familiar hymn, My Hope Is Built on Nothing Less: "I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name." There is no substitution. When I get off track, it doesn't take me too long to remember that. Because I am such an extrovert, my moods are greatly affected by the people I love and trust the most. My volunteer work with Celebrate Recovery led me to become convicted of my addiction to the approval of others. The wonderful thing about being convicted by the Holy Spirit is that as soon as an awareness comes, Help is already on the way! The closer my walk, the fewer pits I fall into. My brother Ken calls Oswald Chambers "Torture Chambers" because his writings have helped me (and so many others) to stay focused on what is sometimes the painful Truth.....but is this Truth which is the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6); God's way is the only way to a life of true joy. I thank Him without ceasing for that. My heart is so full with the Love that is poured out constantly for me, for all of us.

The Life of Power to Follow

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/05/09
http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 5)
"Jesus answered him, "Where I am going you cannot follow Me now, but you shall follow Me afterward.' " (John 13:36).

Chambers helps us to understand that just being in love with Jesus, with an external following is not His ultimate goal for us. Yes, He wants us to know how much He loves us and to love Him back. Yes, He wants us to know how much happier we will be when we are able to practice that which he preaches, i.e. to love others as He has loved us. But all of that is not enough. Peter thought it was enough. He was very pious and proud of the depth of his love for Jesus. Later, however in the 21st chapter of John, after the resurrection, when Jesus has reappeared for the third time, Peter finally gets it. It took Jesus three times of asking Peter if he really loved Him in order to comprehend what really loving Him meant. In order for Peter, (and us) to be able to actually follow Jesus and to feed His sheep, it requires a willingness to die to self, and ultimately a willingness to actually give up one's life. Peter did that. He was finally ready, but he was only able to do this after Jesus had empowered him with the Holy Spirit.

Paul gave up the right to his self-righteous Jewish life soon after Jesus appeared to him on the road to Damascus. Some are able to make this ultimate committment faster than others. When it becomes critical to our very lives (AA) or the lives of those we love (cancer), we waste little time settling for just being an external followerer, like sheep following our precious Shepherd. When we are willing to let him take over and do the feeding of other sheep through us, then He knows we really love Him. For some of us who are born into the church, into the family of God, grow up loving Jesus. This is a wonderful thing, but it is not enough. If we really love Him and are willing to feed His sheep, we must be empowered by Him. We have to empty our cup of self to allow the Christ child to enter into our souls. As we reflect on the infant birth of the Baby Jesus, let us pray that the Holy Spirit will grow us up to the point that we can live a life of filled with the Spirit'spower that enables us to truly follow Him.

Why Can I Not Follow You Now?

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/4/09
http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 4)
"Peter said to Him, 'Lord, why can I not follow You now?"

During periods of deep inspiration, I find ideas for service popping into my head constantly. My natural impulse is to jump first and to look later to discover why I have fallen short of a paticular goal. For the past few years, God has limited this tendacy by giving me responsibilities that I had to attend to, leaving me time to wait and pray about my ideas. This blog has been in my mind for long enough that I believe that I do have God's blessing and direction.

There will always be new ideas that God must filter through and temper. I identify with Peter's passionate willingness to do it all now. Too often have I heard that rooster crowing and had to deal with the shame of trying to get ahead of God. I have tried too hard to be helpful with too many people. I have the reputation of being a manipulator and for interfering. It is a hard habbit to give up, trying to fix others. I am praying that God will put a harness on my good intentions and leave more up to His Miraculous way of having "all things work together for good", His way and not mine. More often I am willing to "be still and know that He is God" and in charge. His anwers always come.....Yes, no or wait for my time and not yours.

Clouds and Darkness

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/3/09
http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select Jan. 3)
"Clouds and darkness surround Him....." (Psalm 97:2)

Today Chambers helps us to accept our confusion and feelings of distance from Him, especially when we may have gotten off track and out of touch with Him. This is the way it was when we first were willing to accept that He is Supreme and In Charge.....even though we don't and can't and never will completely understand that concept while we are living in this world. There comes a time though, when we are willing to give up being a "clanging symbol", tooting our own horns and to listen instead to God and to others (as He speaks through them.....even when we don't agree or like what they are saying....especially then). When this Dangerous Surrender comes, we are finally are able to begin to stop seeing through a morror dimly, with "clouds and darkness" poorly reflecting our own selfish all-about-me images, but begin to see life more clearly. Then we begin to realize that all God ever wanted for us was love, His pure love.

Most of us have heard about this Ideal Love many times as described by Paul in I Corinthians 13. It is read at nearly all the weddings we have attended because it in marriage and family we come the closest to being even motivated to be unselfish. We are born selfish. Little babies only want their needs met, as precious as they are. Growing up means letting go of thinking mostly about our own needs and caring more for the needs of others. Unfortunately, I did not experience that in my first marriage but I did when I became a mother. I knew I would die for either of my babies.....I still would. It was then that I realized that God had done that for me, because He loves me. I revel in that Love. It sustains me. It helps me to see more clearly and to love others as God would have me love them, not in a co-dependent what are you going to do back for me way, but in the secret unselfish way God intended. Ideally I want no credit, no recognition, but it is still a struggle not to expect it. God is not finished with me yet. He has more for me to do in His name, for His glory.

Let Us Keep to the Point

Oswald Cambers, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST: 1/1/09
http://www.myutmost.org/ (Select date)
"my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death" (Philippians 1:20).

I have just finished the last chapter of Kay Warren's Dangerous Surrender. Both she and Chambers quote Paul in this challenge. I remember well a conversation I had with a close spiritual friend shortly after my breast cancer diagnosis in the fall of 2000. I shared with her that my prayer was that this health crisis would somehow bring my daughters closer to knowing and trusting God, even if it meant my death. She thought that to be overly dramatic, but I knew that I meant it with my heart and soul. That moment began a journey of dangerous surrender for me that has been surreal. I have experienced healing for myself, but a much more severe cancer diagnosis for my older daughter, for whom I would gladly give my life in exchange. I know not what God will require of me in the next few moments, but for now I am listening. He has my full attention. I have no choice but to trust His good will. I believe He keeps His promises and answers prayers in the best way to fulfill that good will.